Why Can’t I Stick To a Diet?

Are you wondering “why can’t I stick to a diet?”. If so, you’re not the only one. I have worked with countless clients who feel a sense of despair, helplessness and exhaustion when it comes to dieting. 

So, why exactly are diets so hard to stick to? The narrative around dieting is that when we can’t stick at it, it’s our personal failure…we lack willpower and discipline. It can certainly feel that way when face-diving into a tub of ice cream after vowing not to eat a single scoop for the next month. 

“I must have tried almost every single diet out there and haven’t been able to successfully stick at one or keep the weight off in the long run”

You may be surprised to learn how research shows that usually, it’s a failure of the dieting system itself, rather than the individual on the diet that leads us to be unable to stick at it. And around 75% of those who lose weight on diets put it back on again.

Let’s take a closer look and see if you may resonate with any of these reasons why you’re left asking, “why can’t I stick to a diet?”

7 Reasons why you can’t stick to a diet

1. Diets can make us feel out of control and cause “backlash eating”

Usually, when we embark on a diet, the underlying belief is that the diet’s rules about what, how much and when to eat will help us have control over our eating, and thus help us lose weight. 

Sound familiar?

The reality is usually the opposite. Often there is a honeymoon period on a new diet where we are able to stick to it perfectly for a few days or even weeks. But after a while feelings of deprivation inevitably set in, leading to intense cravings that are hard to resist. We can group this deprivation into 2 categories:

A) Physical/physiological deprivation – this is where your body is registering the fact that it is not receiving enough calories to survive long-term. It sees this as a threat to your survival. It then ramps up your hunger hormone, ghrelin in an attempt to get you to eat more adequately. You’re also likely to experience increased brain space/thoughts being taken up by food in your brain’s attempt to get you to eat.

B) Psychological deprivation – this comes from when we are told by diet rules that we can’t or shouldn’t eat certain types/amounts/groups of foods. As humans, when we are told we can’t do something, we naturally think about it more and feel tempted to do it. For example when someone says “don’t look down”.

The deprivation that comes from dieting is a powerful force. And for good reason. Our biology is set up to ensure our survival and most modern diets do not allow adequate nutrition to ensure long-term survival. Therefore our bodies have our back and we are neurologically, psychologically and hormonally wired to NOT diet. Of course, this can be extremely frustrating if you have a goal of weight loss. However, there is another way to feel in control of food, nourish yourself and maintain a healthy weight. It’s a framework we teach our clients called Intuitive Eating, but more on that is at the end of the article.

2. Diets can make us want to rebel

As adult humans, we have a natural desire to have autonomy over our actions. When we have food rules placed on us, even if we place them on ourselves by embarking on a diet, our brains naturally want to rebel against this. Therefore, many people on diets may break the diet rules as a subconscious form of rebellion. 

3. You can’t stick to a diet because they’re anti-social

Diets are usually anti-social. Take this example…you’re following a low-carb diet and you receive an invite to a dinner party with some friends. You find out that the menu for the evening involves pasta and pudding. You have 3 choices. 

A) you go to the party and try to avoid carb meal components (which let’s face it, is kind of awkward). 

B) you don’t go at all

C) you go to the party and decide to have a “cheat night” off of the diet. But you know from past experience that breaking the diet rules can lead to a spiral so don’t really want to risk this. 

Options A and B can really interfere with our sense of social well-being. Humans are social creatures. Evidence shows that a sense of social well-being and interconnectedness are just as important for our health as diet and nutrition. So if a diet keeps us from our social life…it just isn’t going to be a) good for us holistically or b) sustainable in the long term.

Your way of eating ideally needs to fit in with your life to be sustainable. Not the other way around.

4. Diet often focus is too heavily on weight loss, instead of health and wellbeing

Weight is not as much under our individual control as we are led to believe. We may be able to effectively manipulate weight in the short term but in the long-term genetics have a large role to play. In fact, studies suggest that up to 70% of human body weight is determined by genetics. More on that in this article all about set-point weight. 

The diet industry relies on the false narrative that if we only eat and exercise right, we can make our body look any which way.

The fact is, if we all ate and exercised the same, we would all still have different-sized bodies. 

Weight is not a behaviour, therefore we can’t directly control it. What we CAN directly control are our health behaviours…how much sleep we get, how we move our bodies, our nutrition, our social relationships, and our stress management. THESE are the things we want to focus on.

A heavy focus on weight loss can lead to neglecting healthy behaviours if they don’t result in weight loss. Implementing these behaviours may or may not lead to weight loss. But regardless if they do or not, they can improve your health. You see, it’s actually possible to be metabolically healthy across the size spectrum, despite what you may have been told. And if the desire for weight loss is there, that’s ok too.

5. Diets encourage “all or nothing” thinking

There is little flexibility in dieting. We are either “on” or “off” the diet. This is problematic because it encourages an unhelpful thinking style known as “all or nothing” or “black and white” thinking.

For example, you’re on a diet that forbids more than 2 squares of chocolate per day. But one day you can’t resist the urge to eat more than that (because chocolate is yum and you’re human). The diet rules encourage us to think “screw it, I’ve broken the rules now so I may as well have more and start again on Monday”. We may then proceed to bypass our fullness levels, mindlessly eating all the foods the diet forbids whilst we’re not “on” it anymore. Whereas if we weren’t dieting we might be able to approach this in a more balanced way, recognising that a bar of chocolate cannot make or break our health or body shape.

6. Diets don’t consider emotional eating

Diets rely on external rules and pay little attention to our internal worlds. Many people I work with use food to cope and comfort themselves and diets just don’t account for this. 

Picture a stressful day at work and a lecture from your boss. Your thoughts immediately turn to getting home, raiding the fridge and getting a takeaway for dinner to make yourself feel better. Even if you’re meant to be “on a diet”, if food is your only way to self-soothe you’re eventually going to need to break the diet rules so you don’t implode from intolerable discomfort.

If so, this is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s very normal to sometimes turn to food for comfort. But if food is your main or only way of dealing with uncomfortable feelings, this can be harmful to your overall well-being, especially if accompanied by guilt and shame. 

To combat this we need to work through underlying causes of emotional distress and learn strategies and skills to sit with and deal with tough emotions that aren’t just food. 

You can read more on emotional eating in this article.

The framework I use with clients has a whole principle focused on managing emotions and emotional well-being.

7. Diets discourage us from thinking for ourselves

As we follow diet rules about what and how much to eat, we are prevented from thinking for ourselves. You will likely benefit from getting back in touch with your inner wisdom so that you can figure out which foods and portion sizes feel best in YOUR body. 

Diet rules are often too simplistic and don’t teach you to get in tune with your hunger and fullness signals. If a diet plan tells you to eat a certain amount of food at lunch and you still feel hungry afterwards, your body is telling you that you need more food. But, trying to follow the plan you’re likely to try and override what your body is telling you. Another example would be if a diet suggests that you eat 3 meals and don’t snack, yet you feel hungry between meals. 

Your body has a lot of information to give you about the way of eating that suits you best. But most of us need to re-remember how to listen to our bodies, especially if we’ve been dieting for some time. My clients and I work with a specific set of tailored tools to enable them to re-learn the wisdom of their body, enjoy eating and feel more in control around food.

There IS an alternative to dieting

Perhaps you’re fed up with dieting but don’t know what the alternative is. You’ll be pleased to know there IS an alternative…It’s called Intuitive Eating. Intuitive Eating is an evidence-based approach to help improve your relationship with food, have better self-control around food, and break free from the diet mentality. Intuitive eating can help you learn to honour your health by listening and responding to the messages of your body. This helps you to meet your physical and mental needs based on your terms and move away from external diet tools such as the time of day, points systems, calorie tracking, rigid rules or meal plans.

Learn more about Intuitive Eating and how to get started with it through these links:

What is Intuitive Eating?

Intuitive Eating Tips for Those Starting Out

Intuitive Eating 4th Edition (book)

 And download my free 7-steps to food peace and freedom audio guide to get started. 

Do you want to work with a qualified dietitian and Certified Intuitive Eating Counsellor who nurtures a good relationship with food? You can read more about what that looks like here.

If you’re wondering “how can a therapist help with eating and body image issues”, you’ve come to the right place.  Lucy, our resident integrative psychotherapist has answered your most common questions on this topic.

What is a therapist?

A “therapist” is usually used as a general term for someone who helps individuals who are experiencing emotional and psychological difficulties to explore their issues and make changes in order to feel better. It is also often used as a short-hand for a psychotherapist or counsellor (essentially the same thing but with a slightly different training). A psychotherapist (or counsellor) specifically recognises the lasting impact of the past and is focused on looking at what has happened to you, rather than what is “wrong” with you and how that might be impacting the present.

Some types of therapists include:

• A person-centred therapist has humanistic training and holds the view that everyone is an “expert” in their own lives and has the capacity for growth and change. The counsellor provides a safe space for this exploration by offering empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard.
• A psychodynamic therapist focuses on how the unconscious and past experiences shape current behaviour. They might help you to talk about childhood relationships with your parents and other significant people and consider the impact of these. A psychodynamic therapist might be more directive and/or interpretive than a person-centred one.
• A cognitive-behavioural therapist usually focuses more on the present and uses specific practical techniques to identify intrusive negative thoughts and beliefs and seeks to challenge and change these into ones that are more helpful and less harmful.
• An integrative therapist is one who uses techniques and theories from different modalities to tailor an individual approach for the client.

Some therapists use creative methods (music, movement, art), some bring in ideas from philosophy or neuroscience and some use mindfulness and/or meditation. Whatever their background or training, the aim of any psychotherapist or counsellor is to build a trusting and non-judgemental relationship that helps to develop understanding, acceptance and self-compassion and improve your psychological wellbeing.

What kind of therapist can help with food and body image difficulties?

Any therapist can potentially help with food and body image difficulties but it might be helpful to look for one who specialises in disordered eating, eating disorders and/or intuitive eating. Often these issues will have started in childhood and so a person-centred, psychodynamic or integrative therapist is often the most appropriate and will help you to consider:

• What were/are your parents’/carers’/siblings’ relationships with food/body like?
• What messages were you given about food (implicitly and explicitly) growing up? – What messages were you given about your body (implicitly and explicitly) growing up?
• What societal/ cultural messages were/are there about food/bodies/movement?
• Which significant events from childhood might have impacted how you felt about food/ your body?
• How and why might food be a coping mechanism for psychological or emotional issues?

They would then help you to consider the impact of these on your current distress, in order to understand disordered thoughts and behaviours, process and challenge the shame you might feel about these and move to a place of healing through acceptance and self-compassion. This often leads to a more neutral or even positive relationship with your body and a peaceful relationship with food, allowing you to live a fuller and happier life. A cognitive-behavioural therapist focuses more on current beliefs that you have about food/body and explores what evidence there is to support these and offers alternative perspectives. This is useful too and an integrative therapist will often lean on these techniques combined with an exploration of the past. This is often the most effective approach.

Can a psychotherapist diagnose an eating disorder?

A therapist cannot diagnose a mental health issue: this is done by a psychiatrist (either after a referral from your GP or privately). You can talk to a therapist about any diagnosis and this is often helpful so that they can consider whether they feel their approach is appropriate, how best to work with you and to help you understand them better. You do not have to have a mental health diagnosis to work with a therapist.

Will a psychotherapist talk about medication?

You can talk to a therapist about medication (and a therapist might ask if you are taking any) but it is not for a therapist to tell you whether you should be on medication for your mental health. Again, this is something to discuss with your GP and/or a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is a doctor who specialises in mental health. A therapist cannot prescribe as they are not a doctor and should not direct you in any way about medication.

Will a psychotherapist help with dietary advice?

A therapist will focus on your relationship with food rather than on what you eat. A dietitian or nutritional therapist has expert knowledge about nutrition and should be sought for advice on this. You can talk to a therapist about food but a therapist should not give you a meal plan or advise you on what to eat. It can be helpful to see both a dietitian and a psychotherapist/counsellor when healing from eating and body issues.

How long does it take to work with a therapist?

This depends on you and on the type of therapist. Cognitive-behavioural therapy is usually short-term (often six to ten weeks). Other types of therapy are usually longer-term. Issues with food and body are usually enduring, originating in childhood, and therefore an extended period of weekly sessions is often required to work through them.

So what next?

If you would like to know whether therapy could be right for you, you can get in touch via our form, and book a free discovery call with our psychotherapist Lucy ([email protected]). Here you can discuss your challenges and see whether this type of support is right for you. Support can be provided alongside support from your Dietitian, or independently. 

Are nutritionists and dietitians the same thing?

 

Should I see a dietitian or a nutritionist to lose weight?

Which is more suited to my goals?

Is the professional title protected by law?

What qualifications do dietitians and nutritionists have?

Who regulates dietitians and nutritionists to ensure you’re kept safe?

Where do dietitians and nutritionists work?

Summary to answer “what is the difference between a dietitian and a nutritionist”

Why Am I Always Hungry?

Registered Dietitian, Katherine Kimber answers the most common reasons people wonder “why am I always hungry”. 

There it is again… that insatiable hunger, you’ve already had lunch, and it’s your 4th trip to the fridge to seek out food. “Why am I always hungry”, you ask. Huffing to yourself.

Whilst I talk a lot about intuitive eating, honouring your natural signals, and listening to your body, you might be wondering why you’re still back and forth looking for food, when you know you’ve already eaten and you’re not hungry! This article dives into 9 common reasons why you feel hungry all of the time.

In principle, eating should be quite simple. You get hungry, you eat, you move on with your day. But unfortunately, our diet plagued society teaches us that we can’t be trusted to listen or respond to our own bodies. That we try to control and stop feeling hungry. That we need to look to external sources (like the clock, apps, portion sizes, labels, calories, meal plans, points systems) to tell us when to eat, what to eat and how much to eat.

These external sources can teach us to go to our head to make decisions around food, as opposed to connecting with our bodies and what it really needs. And whilst of course we do need to use our mind to make decisions, there is a difference between a a diet driven mindset, and a self-care mindset:

(a) “I can’t possibly be hungry. I just ate breakfast an hour ago. Eugh. Why do I always feel hungry” (diet mindset, results in guilt, not honouring body)

And 

(b) “I’m noting hunger signals despite eating breakfast an hour ago (curious mindset). My body needs more food today. I better eat something (connecting with the body, recognising the need to eat, which is a self-care, compassionate mindset)”

Listening to the diet mindset (a), can create body distrust, and disconnected eating. We are made to feel guilty, for simply nourishing our bodies.

In this article, I am therefore going to outline 9 common reasons why you might feel hungry all the time, and how to connect with your innate wisdom and know what your body needs. 

But are you really eating enough?

Hunger doesn’t just show up in the stomach, so this is really important. Because the only way to satisfy physical hunger is by eating enough food. The single biggest reason why you might be feeling physically hungry all of the time, is simply that you’ve not eaten enough at your last meal, throughout the day, or even yesterday.

Whilst diet culture teaches us that we can’t be trusted around food, and that we can’t control ourselves, I want to remind you that you don’t need to “earn your food”. You don’t need to deprive or withhold yourself. In fact, by doing so, it might be suppressing energy levels, and limiting your ability to pursue things that are important to you. Hunger is normal, healthy and a sign that your body is working. Having regular hunger signals may be a sign that your body is working as it should! When we habitually ignore these signals, they atrophy over time and our ability to listen and respond is compromised.

What does physical hunger look like?

Physical hunger can show up in a number of places, not just the stomach.

For example:

• Head: achey, light headed, dizzy, distracted, poor concentration
• Energy levels: tired, sleepy, sluggish, meh
• Mood: hangry, irritable, cranky, snappy, moody, low
• Stomach: gurgling, rumbling, emptiness, stomach ache, gnawing, sicky feeling
• Body: shaky, quivery, low blood sugar, salivating, sicky feeling in throat or chest

Developing awareness of, and sensitivity to, these internal physiological sensations (more technically known as interoceptive awareness) through consistent practice and listening, can help you to develop more trust in your body. Preliminary research also indicates that eating in response to early signs of hunger may help improve long-term blood glucose control.

Are you filling up on rice crackers and celery? (Aka high bulk low calorie foods?)

Foods with a lot of bulk will make you feel full. However, if they are low in calories, they may not be satiating. These foods contribute to feelings of fullness, but have short-lived fullness, because they are low calorie foods. It’s the reason why, for example, you could eat a meal consisting of a big vegetable salad, with a can of diet coke, and truly feel full, but end up hungry again shortly after or feel as if something is missing.

High bulk low calorie foods: Usually fruits and vegetables. For example, a large salad without protein or starch or vegetable soup might leave you feeling physically full but unsatisfied. 

Air foods: Air foods fill up your stomach, but offer little (if any) energy. They are typically foods eaten on diets such as rice cakes, low calorie cereal bars, and sugar free drinks.

Low carb or artificially sweetened foods: These foods tend to replace carbohydrates with sugar alcohols and indigestible fibres. These replacements can make you feel temporarily full. If eaten in excess, they can cause bloating and discomfort. This includes some energy bars, sugar-free jelly, low carb desserts and snacks.

The body generally feels full and satiated on meals that contain a combination of starchy grains, fibre (fruit/vegetables), proteins, fats, calcium and a good dose of flavour, texture and satisfaction!

Are you truly satisfied?

There is one psychological dimension to physical fullness that wellness culture doesn’t often get us to consider, and that is satisfaction. I’m sorry, but celery juice just doesn’t cut the mustard. 

Fullness is the physical sensation of satiety, while satisfaction is the mental sensation of satiety. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (the theory of human motivation” is a model that teaches us that we’re driven by our unmet needs. Whether this be in food, relationships, careers. So if we’re not satisfying our needs, we’re not happy. We therefore seek out food that drives satisfaction. Satisfaction and pleasure are at the core of eating!

I have a little exercise for you. 

Think about the last meal you ate. 

How would you rate this on a scale of 0-10? 10 being the most satisfying meal you’ve ever eaten, and 0 the least?

Now think about this.

If you could boost the satisfaction (forgetting about what you may deem as “good/bad” food) what would you change?

Sometimes we need to add something extra to round off the meal, or change the environment, and generally boost the satisfaction factor of the eating experience. 

For example, eating in a more relaxed environment, adding some cheese to your pasta, or a slice of crusty chewy bread to a heart soup?

But why do I always feel hungry even after eating? 

Do you ever have that feeling of fullness in your stomach, but a desire to eat something sweet?

This is called “taste hunger” and is completely normal. Taste hunger occurs when you have a taste for a specific food that may present itself outside of physical hunger or alongside it.

Basically, taste hunger is when you want to eat food that just sounds good! Like a sweet, after a meal. It’s really normal to have the desire for a little something to round off your meal and provide the “satisfaction factor”. Like sweets, biscuits, ice-cream, fruit, yoghurt, hot chocolate etc. 

Diet culture teaches us that having something sweet is “bad”. This can lead to a negative judgement when we do eat something sweet, which can spiral into the “sod it mentality”. I’ve done it now, I might as well keep going.

So what to do?

Don’t panic and eat the sweet thing.  

I know I am definately not hungry, so why do I still eat?

It could be an emotional response. Below outlines the differences between emotional hunger vs physical hunger. If you know you’re definitely not hungry, you know you have given yourself permission around foods, are satisfied by your food choices, and still want to eat… it might be an emotional hunger. Sometimes what people deem as physical hunger is emotional hunger. And vice versa. The diagram below might help, and you can read more about this in my article on how to navigate emotional eating.

Are you trying to pursue weight loss?

Dieting (which is the pursuit of weight loss), can interfere with our hunger hormones. 

There are two key hormones that help regulate hunger – ghrelin and leptin.

Ghrelin is the hunger hormone, produced by the stomach mostly, but also the small intestine, pancreas and brain. It goes up in response to food deprivation (aka dieting). Ghrelin receptors are located in the brain (a small part called the hypothalamus). The more you ignore hunger, the more ghrelin gets produced to make you eat. The body is pretty clever! It typically switches off when you eat enough food. It’s not a matter of willpower when you cave in, and the diet fails. Biology is trying to make you eat and survive. Your body does not know that you may have a fridge full of food, and a supermarket around the corner. 

However, for chronic dieters, ghrelin may stay elevated after meals as a result of being in a negative energy balance (aka withholding your body from energy). People who have lost weight, therefore, seem to have a higher level of ghrelin circulating around their blood, which can be elevated for a year after dieting! It’s no wonder weight loss maintenance is near impossible, when the body is working so hard to bring your weight back up. 

The only way to make your ghrelin turn off, is to eat enough. This signals to another hormone leptin to say “hey, stop eating”. 

The main message is that if you don’t eat enough, your body will continue to pump ghrelin, and make you feel hungry, until you eat.

Are you getting adequate nights sleep?

As mentioned above, there are two key hormones that help regulate hunger – ghrelin and leptin. When the body is sleep-deprived, the level of ghrelin spikes, while the level of leptin falls, leading to an increase in hunger. If you’re feeling abnormal levels of hunger and a desire to eat, check in with your sleep. Does this need some more attention?

Are you setting unrealistic standards? 

Sometimes I notice my clients are setting an unrealistic standard for how much you “should” eat in a day, that they are consistently not able to. This is a sign that the standard is too high, and too rigid. Have you considered that you may not be allowing yourself enough food.  

Too often, I see something like this… 

• Greek yoghurt & berries for breakfast
• Nuts or fruit as snacks
• Greens & protein for lunch and dinner

Later on results in… out of control eating, coupled with guilt, and more out of control eating, only to start again tomorrow.

Biology will always win. So if you’re cutting out food groups (especially starchy foods which are a great source of fibre) or not allowing snacks, flexible eating, and “fun food” into your life, this may be why you’re constantly feeling hungry, unsatisfied, looking for and thinking about food.

The body is really clever at regulating what it needs. It generally needs food that contains fibre (for example: whole grains, oats, brown rice, pasta, fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, potatoes (with skin)), unless you have a specific medical condition where other recommendations have been made.

Medications to be aware of…

Some medication and medical conditions can increase appetite. The most common appetite-inducing medications include antipsychotics, antidepressants, mood stabilisers, corticosteroids, and anti-seizure drugs. If you think your medications are interfering with your appetite, it’s best to speak to your healthcare provider.

So what’s the verdict? Why am I always hungry?

I reiterate – the only way to satisfy physical hunger is by eating enough food. But as you can see, it’s also not that simple! There may be a number of reasons why you’re always feeling hungry, from not eating enough, not satisfying your true desires for fear of not being “healthy” or gaining weight, to looking for comfort, tiredness. Ironically, many of these behaviours are compounded by pursuit of weight loss, restriction and control. When we let go of this pursuit, and honour and connect with our body through intuitive eating, kindness, and compassion, a more trusting, connected and happy relationship with food is possible. 

If you’re not entirely sure what the subtleties of physical hunger feel like for you, and you would like to learn more, you may benefit from diving into my free audio guide and workbook. This includes actionable steps towards finding food peace, and food freedom.